 |
| Hmmm, I bet they hid an egg in here. This baby is mine! |
 |
| Hand, meet Wasp's Nest. |
Friday, April 13, 2012
Another Cosmic Message?
So Easter was already a week ago, and everyone is probably sick to death of all the pastel-colored posts filled with pictures of babies and bunnies. Which is why I won't be posting my Easter pictures any time soon. Instead, my Easter wrap-up will consist of two pictures, which seem to sum up my life these days.
Monday, April 9, 2012
As Answered by Real Kids
Have any of you seen this email floating around?
A 1st grade school teacher had twenty-six students in her class. She presented each child in her classroom the 1st half of a well-known proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb. It's hard to believe these were actually done by first graders. Their insight may surprise you. While reading, keep in mind that these are first-graders, 6-year olds, because the last one is a classic!
1. Don't change horses
until they stop running.
2. Strike while the
bug is close.
3. It's always darkest before
Daylight Saving Time.
4. Never underestimate the power of
termites.
5. You can lead a horse to water but
how?
6. Don't bite the hand that
looks dirty.
7. No news is
impossible.
8. A miss is as good as a
Mr.
9. You can't teach an old dog new
math.
10. If you lie down with dogs, you'll
stink in the morning.
11. Love all, trust
me.
12. The pen is mightier than the
pigs.
13. An idle mind is
the best way to relax.
14. Where there's smoke there's
pollution.
15. Happy the bride who
gets all the presents.
16. A penny saved is
not much.
17. Two's company, three's
the Musketeers
18. Don't put off till tomorrow what
you can put on to go to bed.
19. Laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and
you have to blow your nose.
20. There are none so blind as
Stevie Wonder.
21. Children should be seen and not
spanked or grounded.
22. If at first you don't succeed
get new batteries.
23. You get out of something only what you
see in the picture on the box.
24. When the blind lead the blind
get out of the way.
25. A bird in the hand
is going to poop on you.
26. Better late than
pregnant.
Those are some amazing six year olds.
Ok, seriously. There's no way those are genuine, unprompted answers from real six year olds. How do I know this? Because I'm an expert in six year olds. Also because I asked my own six year old to finish these same proverbs, and his responses were neither adorable nor clever. Granted, he's no genius, but he's also no dolt.
The closest he got to an entertaining answer was: Never underestimate the power of "my shoe."
Better late than pregnant? What six year old thinks "pregnant" when they hear the world "late"?
Since I also have a 4th grader and a 7th grader to try this out on, I did just that. The 7th grader nailed most of them. The 4th grader was a little more interesting, but still not as good as the (35 year old posing as a) 1st grader above. Here are some of L's more entertaining responses.
2) Strike while the
emperor is not looking.
4) Never underestimate the power of
the dark side.
5) You can lead a horse to water
but not to fire.
6) Don't bite the hand that
your mother gave you.
7) No news is
great.
11) Love all, trust
no one.
12) The pen is mightier than the
pencil.
13) An idle mind is
the most boringest thing ever.
15) Happy is the bride who
eats mint and chip ice cream.
17) Two's company, three's
family.
18) Don't put off tomorrow what
your mother told you to do.
20) There is none so blind as
a cat with cataracts.
21) Children should be seen and not
forgotten.
26) Better late than
early.
This little exercise turned out to be kind of fun. For me, that is. Once L found out I thought his answers were funny, he got a little huffy.
A 1st grade school teacher had twenty-six students in her class. She presented each child in her classroom the 1st half of a well-known proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb. It's hard to believe these were actually done by first graders. Their insight may surprise you. While reading, keep in mind that these are first-graders, 6-year olds, because the last one is a classic!
1. Don't change horses
until they stop running.
2. Strike while the
bug is close.
3. It's always darkest before
Daylight Saving Time.
4. Never underestimate the power of
termites.
5. You can lead a horse to water but
how?
6. Don't bite the hand that
looks dirty.
7. No news is
impossible.
8. A miss is as good as a
Mr.
9. You can't teach an old dog new
math.
10. If you lie down with dogs, you'll
stink in the morning.
11. Love all, trust
me.
12. The pen is mightier than the
pigs.
13. An idle mind is
the best way to relax.
14. Where there's smoke there's
pollution.
15. Happy the bride who
gets all the presents.
16. A penny saved is
not much.
17. Two's company, three's
the Musketeers
18. Don't put off till tomorrow what
you can put on to go to bed.
19. Laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and
you have to blow your nose.
20. There are none so blind as
Stevie Wonder.
21. Children should be seen and not
spanked or grounded.
22. If at first you don't succeed
get new batteries.
23. You get out of something only what you
see in the picture on the box.
24. When the blind lead the blind
get out of the way.
25. A bird in the hand
is going to poop on you.
26. Better late than
pregnant.
Those are some amazing six year olds.
Ok, seriously. There's no way those are genuine, unprompted answers from real six year olds. How do I know this? Because I'm an expert in six year olds. Also because I asked my own six year old to finish these same proverbs, and his responses were neither adorable nor clever. Granted, he's no genius, but he's also no dolt.
The closest he got to an entertaining answer was: Never underestimate the power of "my shoe."
Better late than pregnant? What six year old thinks "pregnant" when they hear the world "late"?
Since I also have a 4th grader and a 7th grader to try this out on, I did just that. The 7th grader nailed most of them. The 4th grader was a little more interesting, but still not as good as the (35 year old posing as a) 1st grader above. Here are some of L's more entertaining responses.
2) Strike while the
emperor is not looking.
4) Never underestimate the power of
the dark side.
5) You can lead a horse to water
but not to fire.
6) Don't bite the hand that
your mother gave you.
7) No news is
great.
11) Love all, trust
no one.
12) The pen is mightier than the
pencil.
13) An idle mind is
the most boringest thing ever.
15) Happy is the bride who
eats mint and chip ice cream.
17) Two's company, three's
family.
18) Don't put off tomorrow what
your mother told you to do.
20) There is none so blind as
a cat with cataracts.
21) Children should be seen and not
forgotten.
26) Better late than
early.
This little exercise turned out to be kind of fun. For me, that is. Once L found out I thought his answers were funny, he got a little huffy.
Friday, April 6, 2012
Beware the Power of Miralax
Miralax is a wonder tonic.
Irregular much?
This stuff works like magic. I know this from almost personal experience. You see, my son chooses to ignore the feelings inside him, and as a result, our toilet takes a beating once a week. Tired of this ritual, I decided to do something about it. Upping the vegetables in his diet didn't make a dent. Forcing him to "go try" every night did nothing.
Time to pull out the big guns: Miralax.
I know this stuff works, from experience with another son...yes, it runs in the family. So Sunday night (which coincidentally was April Fool's), I put a half teaspoon in his milk and made him drink it with dinner. Two hours later, like clockwork, Miralax worked it's magic, and all was better in the world.
Except for the poor toilet. I gotta hand it to the bowl, it tried to flush, and from what we could see, it did. At least well enough to give the semblance of flushing. But flush, it hadn't.
It wasn't until 20 minutes later, after putting the kids to bed, and getting my fill of snuggles, that I walked downstairs to check my emails.
What greeted me was Waterworld. From the very first step off the stairs, my foot hit water. In a frenzied montage of images, my mind flashed to the toilet flush, then the sound of running water that had been knocking on my subconscious for the past twenty minutes, and then to the feeling of water squishing between my toes. And I knew. That I was stepping in toilet water.
As I did my best impersonation of a skimboard to get from the stairs to across the family room, down the hall, and into the bathroom, my fuzzy socks got puffier and puffier with toilet water. By the time I got into the bathroom to turn off the water, I was standing in two-inch deep poop water. So disgusting.
L was up watching tv while all this was going down, so he ran to get some towels (which had the equivalent impact of throwing a washcloth in a tub full of water), while I ran to the garage to get a mop and bucket. And thus began cleanup.
When all was said and done, the downstairs bedroom, washroom, a/c closet, family room, office area, hallway, hall closet and I had all been doused by brown water (turns out that's a real term). Resourceful that we are, we got the steam cleaner out and used it to soak up the mess. But it seems, even our wet vac has standards. It flat out quit on us. Refused to suck up any more water after about 2 gallons. I don't blame it.
And that's where our story ends. Sure, we're now in the middle of demolition to the entire downstairs area, and we're staying at my mom's because I'm too paranoid of the asbestos, but that's not nearly as exciting as the flood.
The moral of this story: beware the power of Miralax.
Irregular much?
This stuff works like magic. I know this from almost personal experience. You see, my son chooses to ignore the feelings inside him, and as a result, our toilet takes a beating once a week. Tired of this ritual, I decided to do something about it. Upping the vegetables in his diet didn't make a dent. Forcing him to "go try" every night did nothing.
Time to pull out the big guns: Miralax.
I know this stuff works, from experience with another son...yes, it runs in the family. So Sunday night (which coincidentally was April Fool's), I put a half teaspoon in his milk and made him drink it with dinner. Two hours later, like clockwork, Miralax worked it's magic, and all was better in the world.
Except for the poor toilet. I gotta hand it to the bowl, it tried to flush, and from what we could see, it did. At least well enough to give the semblance of flushing. But flush, it hadn't.
It wasn't until 20 minutes later, after putting the kids to bed, and getting my fill of snuggles, that I walked downstairs to check my emails.
What greeted me was Waterworld. From the very first step off the stairs, my foot hit water. In a frenzied montage of images, my mind flashed to the toilet flush, then the sound of running water that had been knocking on my subconscious for the past twenty minutes, and then to the feeling of water squishing between my toes. And I knew. That I was stepping in toilet water.
As I did my best impersonation of a skimboard to get from the stairs to across the family room, down the hall, and into the bathroom, my fuzzy socks got puffier and puffier with toilet water. By the time I got into the bathroom to turn off the water, I was standing in two-inch deep poop water. So disgusting.
L was up watching tv while all this was going down, so he ran to get some towels (which had the equivalent impact of throwing a washcloth in a tub full of water), while I ran to the garage to get a mop and bucket. And thus began cleanup.
When all was said and done, the downstairs bedroom, washroom, a/c closet, family room, office area, hallway, hall closet and I had all been doused by brown water (turns out that's a real term). Resourceful that we are, we got the steam cleaner out and used it to soak up the mess. But it seems, even our wet vac has standards. It flat out quit on us. Refused to suck up any more water after about 2 gallons. I don't blame it.
And that's where our story ends. Sure, we're now in the middle of demolition to the entire downstairs area, and we're staying at my mom's because I'm too paranoid of the asbestos, but that's not nearly as exciting as the flood.
The moral of this story: beware the power of Miralax.
Monday, April 2, 2012
My Sordid Browser History
Has this ever happened to you?
It's lunchtime and you're innocently googling your local Thai restaurant (Exotic Thai), so that you can order ahead for you and your coworkers. You type "Exotic Thai" and, as expected, a whole slew of matches are returned. Makes sense, after all, it's a chain. So you click on the first link.
And up pops up porn. Lots and lots of porn.
Did I mention you're doing this at work, on your company-provided computer? Immediately, realizing "Exotic Thai" obviously means more than the local restaurant chain, you quickly click the Close button on the top right corner, and even more quickly, break a light sweat. Mortified, you discover that the Exotic Thai link you clicked had a bug that popped about 30 more cascading windows of similar nature, in a lovely (and graphic) pattern across your screen?
This hasn't happened to you before? Strange.
How about this one. Have you ever been innocently googling the new blog that you recently RSS'd so that you can look up a post, and you type in "dirty hooker", because, well, that's the name of the blog. The blog's header graphic is an image of something made of yarn, so of course, it's a play on words, right? No big deal. Until you forget about the double entendre and click thru on the wrong "dirty hooker" link.
Again, porn.
This hasn't happened to you either? Interesting. Ok, one more. This has to have happened to you.
You're reading a very funny piece by an actual comedic writer (who also happens to blog) about how she sprained her dominant boob (yes, I said dominant boob). In your haste to read the post, you mistakenly interpret it as a reference to America's Next Top Model. Shocked to (falsely) discover that you are behind on your ANTM lingo, you immediately google "dominant boob" only to once again pull back a whole lot of nasty.
Still no?
Sometimes I'm as dumb as a potato.
It's lunchtime and you're innocently googling your local Thai restaurant (Exotic Thai), so that you can order ahead for you and your coworkers. You type "Exotic Thai" and, as expected, a whole slew of matches are returned. Makes sense, after all, it's a chain. So you click on the first link.
And up pops up porn. Lots and lots of porn.
 |
| "Cafe" is not code for "Nookie". |
This hasn't happened to you before? Strange.
How about this one. Have you ever been innocently googling the new blog that you recently RSS'd so that you can look up a post, and you type in "dirty hooker", because, well, that's the name of the blog. The blog's header graphic is an image of something made of yarn, so of course, it's a play on words, right? No big deal. Until you forget about the double entendre and click thru on the wrong "dirty hooker" link.
Again, porn.
This hasn't happened to you either? Interesting. Ok, one more. This has to have happened to you.
You're reading a very funny piece by an actual comedic writer (who also happens to blog) about how she sprained her dominant boob (yes, I said dominant boob). In your haste to read the post, you mistakenly interpret it as a reference to America's Next Top Model. Shocked to (falsely) discover that you are behind on your ANTM lingo, you immediately google "dominant boob" only to once again pull back a whole lot of nasty.
Sometimes I'm as dumb as a potato.
Friday, March 30, 2012
Thrifty's Ice Cream and Taco Trucks
Tonight, while at Rite Aid awaiting our Thrifty's ice cream, L and P wandered over to the display next to the ice cream counter and began looking at the model cars that were for sale. It didn't take long before I heard L say, " The taco truck! Mommy, they have the taco truck!"
I didn't know what he was talking about, and I was about to go to town on my Rocky Road/Coconut Pineapple combo, so I paid him no mind.
For a brief moment, everything fades away while I savor my double-decker. A short while later, a little voice bubbles to my consciousness, and I realize it's L, saying again, "Mommy, they still have the taco truck! Daddy wouldn't let me buy it last time, but it's still here! If I use my money, can I buy it, pleeeeease?"
What is this taco truck he is talking about? Let me show you.
Complete with interior detail and true-to-life menu options, this truck has to be the coolest, kitschy-est, most ridiculous item I've ever fallen in love with in my life. And what makes it even better is that L has had his eye on this for at least a month and had the good sense to press the parent who he knew would see it his way. Smart boy.
So we bought it, of course.
Has my sense of humor crossed that fine line between funny and tacky? Who knows. Maybe it's because I'm Mexican. Maybe it's because I have an odd sense of humor. Whatever the reason, the sight of this little taco truck on L's bedroom shelf, along with his "I bet this is totally going to be a collectible one day," puts a smile on my face.
I didn't know what he was talking about, and I was about to go to town on my Rocky Road/Coconut Pineapple combo, so I paid him no mind.
 |
| There's a reason why it's award-winning. |
What is this taco truck he is talking about? Let me show you.
Complete with interior detail and true-to-life menu options, this truck has to be the coolest, kitschy-est, most ridiculous item I've ever fallen in love with in my life. And what makes it even better is that L has had his eye on this for at least a month and had the good sense to press the parent who he knew would see it his way. Smart boy.
So we bought it, of course.
Has my sense of humor crossed that fine line between funny and tacky? Who knows. Maybe it's because I'm Mexican. Maybe it's because I have an odd sense of humor. Whatever the reason, the sight of this little taco truck on L's bedroom shelf, along with his "I bet this is totally going to be a collectible one day," puts a smile on my face.
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
Guest Post on RescueYouth.com
I've got a bonus post this week about me, Hollywood in the 90s, and the worries of a mother who knows what's in store for her.
Here's the link: Falling Apples
RescueYouth.com is a great resource website for parents of tweens and teens.
Thanks for checking it out!
 |
| 22 year old me. What a fashion tragedy. |
Here's the link: Falling Apples
RescueYouth.com is a great resource website for parents of tweens and teens.
Thanks for checking it out!
Monday, March 26, 2012
Star Wars at the Discovery Science Center
Last week was spring break for the kids, so we trucked down to the OC to see the Star Wars exhibit at the Discovery Science Center. I've been drooling over this place since I found out about it back in October. The display is only around for a few more weeks, and we had a birthday to celebrate, so this was the perfect opportunity to check it out.
And it did not disappoint.
These photos don't need much narrative, so I'll keep it to a minimum.
 | |
| I'm as excited as a 10 year old boy on Opening Weekend. |
 |
| Didja know Chewy was based on Lucas' dog, Indiana? |
 |
| I wonder how well the extras saw out of this. |
 |
| Droidekas are pretty cool. |
 |
| Roger Roger. |
 |
| Boba Fett's blaster had a strangely western vibe to it. |
 |
| Stormtrooper. Not to be confused with Clone Trooper. |
 |
| The Wampa was underwhelming. |
 |
| Sitting in the Millenium Falcon replica was worth the extra 5 bucks. |
 |
| Help me Obi-Wan Kenobi, you're my only hope. |
 |
| If I could've, I would've snuck this one home in my purse. |
If you're in the So Cal area in the next few weeks, this is definitely worth the stop.
http://www.discoverycube.org/star-wars/
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
