On Thanksgiving Day

I opened the fridge

On this Thanksgiving Day

To make me some turkey with yam

But all that was there

To my utter despair

Was a fatty, cold serving of spam

I couldn’t believe

I’d forgotten to plan

For this yummiest day of the year

So to quiet my nerves

And to settle my mind

I guzzled a bottle of beer

With a false sense of strength

And a steely resolve

I determined to still find a way

To get me some turkey

And maybe some pie

And salvage what’s left of my day

Like any good child

In a pinch or a jam

Who needs her when feeling bereft

I called on Dear Mom

And was saddened to hear

That a carcass was all that was left

What’s that you say?

I’m in shocked disbelief

“You told me you bought a big bird!”

I’m hungry, no, STARVING

And feeling so weak

As I chug down my second (or third)

Whatever she said

I paid her no mind

As I hung up the phone with disgust

Went back to the fridge

With a sigh of defeat

Guess I’ll settle for spam if I must