I was going through my son’s cell phone the other day (this only sounds invasive to those who don’t have kids), when I came across some texts that had to be documented, for posterity’s sake. It seems a friend of his needed help wooing the ladies, and he came to my boy for advice. Ah, the glimpses into my son’s mind are priceless. As I followed along the string of ridiculous texts, I was entertained by the wisdom of my 12 year old, who doled out these golden nuggets:
“Don’t ask to hold her hand, that would make things awkward.”
"This is my motto: don't b romantic unless u hav 2"
“DO NOT HUG HER OR KISS HER UNTIL YOU HAVE GONE OUT WITH HER FOR A WHILE.”
“Think like a player. You’ve gotta ask yourself, ‘what would P do?’”
Hugely entertained by the advice he was giving, part of me hoped he wasn’t really serious. Knowing what a goof-off my boy is, combined with him being one of the youngest AND smallest kids in 7th grade, I felt pretty confident that he was speaking about something he had no experience with. But to be sure, I had to ask him. I waited until that night, as he finished his homework.
Me: P, how many girls have you held hands with?
Me: And how many girls have you kissed?
P: None. Well, one, if I count you.
Me: So what makes Kevin want to come to YOU for advice with the ladies?
P (smile spreading across his face): I don’t KNOWWW. But I went with it, and told him all kinds of stuff. (smiling even wider) I told him to think like a player and that he needed to ask himself ‘what would P do’ (breaking into laughter).
We had a good laugh, while P reveled in his own cleverness. He’s a fun kid, when he’s not driving me nuts.
Fortunately, Kevin didn't take P's advice.