Friday, April 6, 2012

Beware the Power of Miralax

Miralax is a wonder tonic.

Irregular much?

This stuff works like magic.  I know this from almost personal experience.  You see, my son chooses to ignore the feelings inside him, and as a result, our toilet takes a beating once a week.  Tired of this ritual, I decided to do something about it.  Upping the vegetables in his diet didn't make a dent.  Forcing him to "go try" every night did nothing.

Time to pull out the big guns:  Miralax.

I know this stuff works, from experience with another son...yes, it runs in the family.  So Sunday night (which coincidentally was April Fool's), I put a half teaspoon in his milk and made him drink it with dinner.  Two hours later, like clockwork, Miralax worked it's magic, and all was better in the world.

Except for the poor toilet.  I gotta hand it to the bowl, it tried to flush, and from what we could see, it did.  At least well enough to give the semblance of flushing.  But flush, it hadn't.

It wasn't until 20 minutes later, after putting the kids to bed, and getting my fill of snuggles, that I walked downstairs to check my emails.

What greeted me was Waterworld.  From the very first step off the stairs, my foot hit water.  In a frenzied montage of images, my mind flashed to the toilet flush, then the sound of running water that had been knocking on my subconscious for the past twenty minutes, and then to the feeling of water squishing between my toes.  And I knew.  That I was stepping in toilet water.

As I did my best impersonation of a skimboard to get from the stairs to across the family room, down the hall, and into the bathroom, my fuzzy socks got puffier and puffier with toilet water.  By the time I got into the bathroom to turn off the water, I was standing in two-inch deep poop water.  So disgusting.

L was up watching tv while all this was going down, so he ran to get some towels (which had the equivalent impact of throwing a washcloth in a tub full of water), while I ran to the garage to get a mop and bucket.  And thus began cleanup.

When all was said and done, the downstairs bedroom, washroom, a/c closet, family room, office area, hallway, hall closet and I had all been doused by brown water (turns out that's a real term).  Resourceful that we are, we got the steam cleaner out and used it to soak up the mess.  But it seems, even our wet vac has standards.  It flat out quit on us.  Refused to suck up any more water after about 2 gallons. I don't blame it.

And that's where our story ends.  Sure, we're now in the middle of demolition to the entire downstairs area, and we're staying at my mom's because I'm too paranoid of the asbestos, but that's not nearly as exciting as the flood.

The moral of this story:  beware the power of Miralax.


Tny8 said...

Not the point: I like the yellow on your walls. Yellow is tricky and that's really subdued.

Did the smell come out?

NumberWhisperer said...

Tny8, the color looks better in pictures. That's the one thing I'm actually excited about changing.

The wasn't bad, really. With three boys, the house has smelled much worse, lol.